she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
