Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
