I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
