I want to have your abortion
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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