So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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