It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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