I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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