That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
