you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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