I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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