Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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