Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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