small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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