And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
