ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
