Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
