He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
