my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
