Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
