I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
