Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
