Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
