She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
