Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
