I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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