Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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