We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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