I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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