Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
