Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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