How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
