She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
