What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
