I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
