Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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