dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
