oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize