She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
