My nipple is on Facebook.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
