How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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