thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You made out with two different species that night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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