I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
