we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
