Just fell off a train. Bad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
