I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
