Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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