I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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