I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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