Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
