Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
