I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
