your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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