It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
