Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
