It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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