My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
