I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if only i could text you this smell
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
