bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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