i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
