Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
