What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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