While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
false alarm, still single
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
