Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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