Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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