Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
