I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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