I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
