Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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