i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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