i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
