with your own penis?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i came on her dog
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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