walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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