this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
