he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
