You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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