you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
