vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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