3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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