I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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