and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She bit a glass in half.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
