first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize