he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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