so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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