Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just took my morning after pill in the library
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
